First Impression of Jason vs final thoughts
I wrote this after reading the first two chapters of Black Swan Green. It is my first impression of Jason:
Jason Taylor is a kid who cares very much about keeping up appearances, similarly to Bruce Bechdel in Fun Home. However, unlike how Bruce hid his homosexuality, stammering is the sort of thing that the harder you try to hide it, the more apparent it becomes. He refers to his condition as "Hangman", and has four commandments for it: "Thou shalt hide from speech therapists; Thou shalt strangle Taylor when he is nervous about stammering; Thou shalt ambush Taylor when he is not nervous about stammering; Once Taylor is 'Stutterboy' in the eyes of the world he is yours" (31). He really wants to maintain his social status and that makes him anxious about his stammer, which makes it all the worse. I've experienced a similar sort of "mental echo chamber" where the more I think about a certain problem, the more it affects me. However, I've noticed that by thinking about something else or forgetting to think about the problem, it doesn't happen. It's all in my mind. Which makes me think that it's also all in Jason's mind, too. I can relate to the embarrassment, too, of worrying that other people will notice, and that gives the problem power. Really the best solution I've found is to battle the mental block headfirst, and when I win, I convince myself it's not something to worry/think about anymore, and that makes the next time easier.
After having finished the book, my impression of Jason has changed somewhat. He describes himself as having moved past his "maggot" phase, and he no longer cares as much what the "popular" kids think of him. He gained more respect than ever after he stopped vying for approval from everyone. His stutter was found out by the whole school, but that ended up empowering him, as he had nothing to be afraid of anymore, and realized that he had a real friend, Dean Moran, who would stay by him despite that. He ended up becoming one of the hardest kids in school. His stutter still appears, but he reflects on it, and notices that there's certain times when he doesn't stutter. He concludes that his stuttering is dependent not on him, but the other person's expectations. His stammer triggers because he is afraid that he won't get the word out in time when another person is listening. To fix his stammer, he just has to honestly not care how long the other person has to wait for him (289). This is similar to my problem: it doesn't happen when there's nobody else around, and when I feel like the other person is waiting for me, it makes the problem worse. Anyways, I think Jason is well on his way to fixing his stammer, as throughout the course of one year he became a lot more confident and cared less about what the barbarians thought.
I think it's interesting how Jason's feelings about worrying about his stammer changes. In the beginning of the year Jason says, "Thou shalt ambush Taylor when he is not nervous about stammering". Early in the year, even when he is not nervous about the stammer he still stammers. However, by the end of the book he has to "honestly" not care about stammering to not stammer. I think this shows how in the beginning, even when he thought he wasn't worrying, he was constantly subconsciously worried about his stammer.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Jason's growth arc is extremely significant in the novel. Out of all the narrators we have discussed in this class, I felt like his awareness of his own social status amongst the other kids his age was the most prevalent. Hangman is analogous to his other tendencies to "self-edit" in order to conform to some definition of "coolness" — he changes the Christmas presents he received when talking to other people to appear less "gay," similarly to how he switches out words in a sentence to avoid places where he can stammer. It was suggested that there was something about Jason that makes him satisfying to make fun of, and made him a major target for characters like Ross Wilcox. But, in the end of the novel, we see him beginning to consciously analyze the mob mentality of his bullies along with directly standing up to them (ex. smashing Neal Brose's calculator).
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that when Jason decides to "let hangman free" so to speak, his troubles and worries seem to fade away. I like the point you made about his difficulties being in his head, and how you related that to your own feelings. Jason definitely becomes a completely different version of himself toward the end of the book. This allows him to stand up for himself against those who once oppressed him.
ReplyDeleteI think that Jason's refusal to be controlled by maggot is definitely in many parts thanks to Dean. Like you said Dean accepts him for who he is, and is one of the first people to do this. This small bit of acceptance is enough to help Jason feel more confident in his own skin and start to retaliate against bullies. I also think that because Jason finds many allies at Goose Fair, from carnies to his Dad to Dean, he starts to realize that he has many people in his life who support and accept him for who he is, which also works to boost his confidence.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea that personal honesty is the catalyst in Jason that really changes him. Both with his stammer but also with his personal obsession and how it limits his own expression. Jason never wants to talk a lot because of his stammer and how it might affect his social status. But after his stammer is revealed, Jason embraces it as a part of himself, and he is even able to conquer it a little when dealing with Neil Brose.
ReplyDeleteThe comparison between Jason trying to keep his stammer "in the closet" and Bruce is apt. We only touched on the topic glancingly in class, but I often think of _Black Swan Green_ and its depiction of Jason's many efforts to "self-edit" as a kind of closeting dynamic: it's not just the stammer but, revealingly, anything that might be deemed "gay" or insufficiently hetero/masculine by the "hairy barbarians." There's a lot of shame around this true and real aspect of Jason's personality, and he is convinced that everything will change for him if the secret gets out. He is closeted about his poetry, the fact that he sometimes wishes he'd been born a girl (his deep ambivalence about "boy culture"), his stammer. When his distorted mirror-image at the Goose Fair challenges him to form an "Outside-You" that is in keeping with his "Inside-You," he could just as well be talking about sexuality and identity.
ReplyDeleteI think Jason does learn to control his inner voices a lot more by the end of the book. Maggot and Unborn Twin start having less of an effect on him. Hangman especially stops bothering him as much by the end, because he has more life experience and is generally more confident in himself. If you're not afraid of your challenges, then they can't affect you as much.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting post, the parallels from Bruce's homosexuality and Jason's stammer does make a lot of sense. His progression and coming of age really show through his stammer. I think it's relatable how anxiety can make a problem worse, and how focusing on the problem can make it seem bigger than it is. Jason's journey is a great reminder that confidence and self-acceptance can be powerful tools for overcoming challenges. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
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